How to Break Up Gracefully (Lesbian Point of View)

By Denise Mann of WebMD
(Click Post Title for direct link)
courtesy of lesbian dating’s blog

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but some are better than others. Learn the dos and don’ts of ending a romantic relationship.It’s not you, it’s me…or is it?Just about all of us have heard—or even said—this line as a way of ending a romantic relationship. The problem is that it often leaves the dumpee thinking the exact opposite.But is there really a way to make a clean and honest break? Is it ever okay to lie when ending a romantic relationship? Can you IM her that it’s over, or do you have to do it in person? Is it really possible to be friends with your ex after a breakup?

WebMD went to the experts to get the best breakup advice ever. Read this before you even think of uttering another clichéd breakup line or texting the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.All Relationships Are Not Created Equal”The nature of how to handle a breakup has to do with how you experience a relationship,” says New York City-based psychoanalyst and psychotherapist Janice Lieberman, PhD, who specializes in relationship issues.For starters, she says, not every relationship deserves a dramatic breakup. There are no hard and fast rules about what constitutes a relationship. “There are people who think they have a relationship with two dates and people who don’t think they are in a relationship after 20 dates,” she says. “If you have gone on one or two or three dates, not calling is breaking up, but after some kind of romantic and sexual encounters, it is a courtesy to call,”

Lieberman tells WebMD.
“Sometimes it’s easier not to call, and there are people who will just run away.”The explosion of Internet dating has also muddied the waters in terms of when an actual breakup is necessary, she says.”People have Internet relations for a long time and then elevate to phone calls. Sometimes it takes a long time for a face-to-face encounter. This can be problematic because people get very involved with each other, and then when they finally meet, there are so many other cues that indicate they’re not suited for one another,” she says.The warning signs that a breakup is imminent have also changed thanks to Internet dating, Lieberman says.”People will go out with someone they met on Jdate.com or Match.com, and then you can see if they are surfing the Net and looking for someone else,” she says.

This is far less subtle than, say, acting cold on a date or not calling when you said you would.Don’t Break Up Over E-mailThe tabloids widely reported that pop star Britney Spears broke up with her now-ex-husband Kevin Federline via a text message. But text messages, e-mails or other high-tech message delivery systems are not the best medium for ending a romantic relationship.Social networking sites, including MySpace and Facebook, allow users to post comments on one another’s pages, but they should never be used to end a romantic relationship. Nor should websites like Breakup Butler, which delivers several types of prerecorded breakup messages ranging from let-them-down-easy to downright mean.”If it’s a casual encounter, a text message is okay. But to my mind, it’s better to call and speak or go out to dinner,” Lieberman says.”The news of a breakup should never be broken over text or e-mail,” says Alison Arnold, PhD, a therapist in Phoenix who is also known as “Doc Ali,” the life coach on the VH1 series Scott Baio Is 45…and Single. “Texting a breakup is the coward’s way out,” she says.Stick to the Relationship Facts”Face-to-face or phone contact is a must,” Arnold says. “It’s important to give the person with whom you are ending the relationship the chance to ask questions and feel the sentiment underneath the words.”Be as direct and honest as you can, she advises. “Don’t engage in tit-for-tat arguments. Stick to the facts: ‘It’s not working, it’s no one’s fault, we need to make a change.'”Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?Whether two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship.”If someone is very much in love—and [then] broken up with—and forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work,” Lieberman says. “If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey.”While many a jilted lover claims to seek closure by going back just one more time after a breakup, such closure is a “fantasy or a hope,”

Lieberman says.”If in your heart of hearts you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into it is to get out of it,” she says.Arnold agrees. “Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No ‘let’s get together for coffee.’ No nothing,” she says. “You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again.”Talking every day as “friends” is also a no-no. “That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working,” Arnold says. “Don’t keep calling to ‘check in,’ hear how his or her day was or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways.”Another no-no? Breakup sex, she says.Prescription for Healing After the Relationship Ends”Do learn from each relationship,” Arnold says. “Write down five things you appreciated about this relationship that you would like to have in the next one and five things you would not like to create next time.”Instead of stalking your ex or making up excuses to call or see him or her, “keep yourself busy with new activities, old friends and healthy distractions,” Arnold says.”Don’t get right into a new relationship, she advises. “Don’t medicate your sadness with a new person. It isn’t fair to either of you.”

Case Update – The August 10th Clarendon Firebombing Incident

See the original posts here: Photos from August 10th Firebombing in Clarendon.

The hospitalized victim has been released after spending 21 days at the facility, we must say a special thanks to our good friend G, he knows himself and others who intervened in this matter, financially and the giving of their time and risking life and limb to clear the home after the incident of the damaged furniture, regular hospital visits with food, juices and clothing and emotional support.

The hospital staff is to be thanked as well for being tolerant of the situation even though they were all well aware of what had happened, according to reports from our friend G, they were cooperative in accommodating visits even outside visiting hours and verbally expressing their displeasure at what had happened.

The police officers who took the men from the scene to the hospital also are to be acknowledged as well, the state in this case was not culpable.
If it were like that all the time!!!!…..wow

The burns are slowly healing as he has been advised to follow a strict diet and follow up treatment and maybe a light surgical procedure of skin grafting for his arm which is taking some time to heal. Albeit he is in good spirits. His friend has also moved on though very quiet on the matter but we assume it’s his way of dealing with it.

We are making arrangements as soon as is possible for some counseling sessions for the two if they are willing and available.

Thanks to you our readers for your support and encouragement in their time of trouble, we are appreciative.

Any new developments you will be notified.

Peace

Can a women’s ability to orgasm be related to the way she walks?

Click post title above for a direct link to the story
courtesy of http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/

A new study found that trained sexologists could infer a woman’s history of vaginal orgasm by observing the way she walks. The study is published in the September 2008 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the official journal of the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.Led by Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland in collaboration with colleagues in Belgium, the study involved 16 female Belgian university students. Subjects completed a questionnaire on their sexual behavior and were then videotaped from a distance while walking in a public place.

The videotapes were rated by two professors of sexology and two research assistants trained in the functional-sexological approach to sexology, who were not aware of the women’s orgasmic history.The results showed that the appropriately trained sexologists were able to correctly infer vaginal orgasm through watching the way the women walked over 80 percent of the time. Further analysis revealed that the sum of stride length and vertebral rotation was greater for the vaginally orgasmic women. “This could reflect the free, unblocked energetic flow from the legs through the pelvis to the spine,” the authors note.There are several plausible explanations for the results shown by this study.

One possibility is that a woman’s anatomical features may predispose her to greater or lesser tendency to experience vaginal orgasm. According to Brody, “Blocked pelvic muscles, which might be associated with psychosexual impairments, could both impair vaginal orgasmic response and gait.” In addition, vaginally orgasmic women may feel more confident about their sexuality, which might be reflected in their gait. “Such confidence might also be related to the relationship(s) that a woman has had, given the finding that specifically penile-vaginal orgasm is associated with indices of better relationship quality,” the authors state. Research has linked vaginal orgasm to better mental health.

The study provides some support for assumptions of a link between muscle blocks and sexual function, according to the authors. They conclude that it may lend credibility to the idea of incorporating training in movement, breathing and muscle patterns into the treatment of sexual dysfunction.”Women with orgasmic dysfunction should be treated in a multi-disciplinary manner” says Irwin Goldstein, Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.”Although small, this study highlights the potential for multiple therapies such as expressive arts therapy incorporating movement and physical therapy focusing on the pelvic floor.”
Source: Wiley-Blackwell

USAID puts $100 million toward AIDS gel research

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The U.S. Agency for International Development has offered $100 million to the Eastern Virginia Medical School to work on a gel that might protect men and women from the AIDS virus, the school said on Monday.
The money, $20 million a year for five years, will be used to help pay for trials of several so-called microbicides — gels or creams that could be applied vaginally or rectally to protect people from infection.
While several experimental microbicides have failed, the team at Eastern Virginia Medical School’s CONRAD program is working on two using HIV drugs: Gilead Sciences Inc’s tenofovir and an experimental drug called UC781.
An estimated 33 million people have HIV, mostly in Africa. More than 60 percent of Africans with HIV are women who were infected by their husbands or other male sexual partners.
Most of the 2 million people who get HIV every year globally are women. Condoms prevent infection but many men refuse to use them. Experts say women, and some men, need a private way to protect themselves.
The award means USAID has given the program $160 million so far to develop a microbicide.
The CONRAD program, formerly known as Contraceptive Research and Development, was set up in 1986 by federal agencies to develop inexpensive products to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
A USAID spokeswoman said the agency gets about $40 million a year from Congress for microbicide development and funds many programs, including the Population Council, the International Partnership for Microbicides and others.