Red Flag Warning for Lesbian Relationships

 
 
When dating or starting a new relationship, many lesbians tend to ignore certain behaviors in their new partner that may not bode so well for their future. Yet when things fall apart and they are in the middle of a bad breakup, many lesbians say they wish they had known about these behaviors/habits/issues before they had gotten involved. The reality is, even though some women are capable of hiding their true colors for extended periods of time, if you pay close attention to the signs, you can usually detect red flag warnings before you become too involved in a relationship.
(photo from Internalized homophobia and relationship quality among lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals study)
Here are just a few red flags warning to keep an eye out for:
Blames others for their problems –
Women who won’t take ownership for their own problems and tend to play the part of “the victim,” will eventually start blaming you for all of their problems.
Gets attached or falls in love too quickly. (U-haul syndrome) –
Women who tend to quickly jump into a relationship may be looking for someone to save them from their problems. You may want to question their motives for rushing into a relationship. Are they in debt, unemployed or homeless and looking for a Sugar Momma? Are they depressed and looking for someone to make them happy? Are they looking for someone to help them forget about an ex?
Big Flirt –
Someone who overtly flirts with other women, even when you are together, and then insists it’s harmless, is a Big Red Flag.
They won’t make sacrifices –
Healthy relationships don’t require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is normal to keep things balanced. If your partner is rarely willing to give in on anything, chances are, that will not change anytime soon.
Does not want to help with simple chores –
Women who pout or complain when you ask them to help you out with the smallest of tasks, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash, is likely to view you as their care-taker, rather than a partner. In the long run, you may end up resenting this person.
Control Issues –
Does your partner tell you whom you can and can’t talk or spend time with? Does she tell you what you can or cannot wear? Does she try to make you feel guilty about pursuing outside interests or spending time with your friends and family? Romantic partners are supposed to support each other not own each other.
Trust issues – Whether it is a little white lie you caught her in, or something much bigger, it is hard to regain trust once it is lost. A partner who lies, misleads you or fails to communicate openly, is not someone capable of a healthy relationship, nor are they worthy of your affection.
Relationship Longevity –
Women who have not been in a long-term relationship for longer than a year or two will often have commitment issues and tend to continue this pattern of short-term relationships until they have dealt with their issues.
Financial Status –
Not that I believe having money is everything, but I do think it is important that the person you are dating is gainfully employed and can keep a job for an extended period of time. It will also be helpful if they are not in serious debt, how your partner handles their finances can really effect the future of your relationship.
Living Situation –
Last, but not least, if you meet a woman who is over 30 and still living with her parents, RUN! Of course there are always exceptions, perhaps you meet someone who is taking care of her aging parents, which is very honorable. But lets face it, in this day and age, that is rarely the case, so be sure to check out the details before getting involved.
So those are my top 10 red flag warning, although I am sure I could probably come up with another 50 or so…yikes!
Please feel free to share your favorite red flag warnings, when dating, you can never really have enough warnings, can you???
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Author: GLBTQ Jamaica Moderator

Activist and concerned gay man in Jamaica with over 19 years experience in advocacy and HIV/AIDS prevention work, LGBT DJ since 1996.

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