That special perfect one…..

Here is a take on the quest for a relationship as many LGBTQI persons seem to be on especially at this time of year, the questions and commentary in chat rooms and social pages are ever increasing on the issue of profiling, persons offering information on themselves and seeking dating partners towards a relationship or at best some long term cohabitation that involves the proverbial “spirit tek” which includes obligation to offer sex often enough to keep or consumate the union .

The Emotions – What Do The Lonely Do at Christmas

The seemingly endless search for that lover in our life is on many folks minds these days, the scene seems filled with persons asking to be introduced to someone and of course stating the pre-requisites for meeting the individual in the first place.

  • Are we too pre-occupied with this Mills and Boon or Harlequin romance typed lover perfect for all our human intercative wants that we fail in the pusuit to find such?
  • Are we blocking our own progress in finding this “perfect one” by insisting too much on what we wish to have and ignoring the realities that we may never in our lifetime find that one?
  • Are we prepared to avoid consumating the much sought after union with sexual intercourse as most persons do thus not really knowing the person we wish to cohabit with for the rest of our lives just living for the fun, nothing more?
  • Are we so desperate to find that person to match the heterosexual construct of intimacy and relationships in order to “fit in?”
  • Why do we go for sex more to justify that we are worthy to be intimate with someone or we do we seem to confuse romance and intimacy with sex?

Many persons nowadays are trapped in some way as hinted in one or more of the questions above, the frustration is seems even more glaring when it comes to the seasons such as Christmas where companionship needs seem to rise ever so high for romance and love. This search sometimes lead to depression for some folks and probably reckless and promiscuous sexual behaviour in the search for solace.

The inability for some folks too to accept people as people without restrictions and rigid guidelines to enter into a friendship hinders one as stated before thus advancing the feeling on loneliness and self worth more and more to desperation I fear.

With the absence of proper counseling services for LGBTQI persons at this time of year I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw serious psychological fallout as happened some years ago when a friend of mine attempted suicide after his parents divorced earlier in that year then his lover of four years left him for another man. Death maybe not present in many of the seekers minds but certainly loneliness as many of us do not know how to be alone sometimes and require a person present to fulfill us as we feel empty.

This is not tosay we must not have ideals about who we want as a partner sure one can be discriminating in a sense but if we become more accepting of each other and not let outside influences cloud our judgement sometimes we may overcome the blockages we place on urselves in the search for love.

Why not let love come to you? but as we are socialized in Jamaica as “spirit tek” most persons overall in so called relationships are not in love come to think of it and more just because it’s convenient to live together and sex is the icing on the cake, then no wonder people cheat as boredom sets in with the existing partner I fear. Don’t get me wrong the issue of seeking the perfect one is not relegated to LGBTQI people but we will stick to us for now for purposes of this post.

There aren’t any relationship skills interventions present anywhere here at this time which bothers me a bit, to find a professional these days costs and arm and a leg as much as $JA8,000.00 a session which most cannot afford, most of them from what I have gleaned do not go into same sex intimacy and relationship issues so maybe what one has to probably do is enter these sessions addressing ones partner as a member of the opposite sex and as we are not a reading population books won’t help most as the material may be too heavy for one to digest given the search is more important than reviewing the information that will assist.

What to do in the meantime?

The conversations in the chat rooms and social networks help some as they may deflect the descent into depression or senseless decision for sex as a distraction, the hookups ting don mek it. Hopping from bed to bed to avoid ones own struggle with loneliness doesn’t help.

Talk talk talk I say this is one time where it may just help someone.

Peace and tolerance


Author: GLBTQ Jamaica Moderator

Activist and concerned gay man in Jamaica with over 19 years experience in advocacy and HIV/AIDS prevention work, LGBT DJ since 1996.

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