“Tell Me Pastor” on bisexuality

Find it, retrieve it and call it … as we look at discusions in the public domain about issues relating to GLBTQI issues. Here the supposed female letter writer says she basically found out her male hubby is having an affair with a man.

Pastor Dumas the regular talk show host, Psychologist and Star News Tell Me Pastor columnist for once asks some sensible questions in the beginning of his response but goes off on the bible bit afterwards, as expected.

Certainly it may not be easy to “come out” to ones female partner in this case given the homo-negative culture of ours so it would be better to keep it on the down low and by extension leading to bi-invisibility or some bi-erasure. So one is damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

There are some women to my certain knowledge who are aware or at best suspicious of their male partners and who tolerate it for varying reasons, some possibly for financial security or stability until some other persons can come along for them to escape if you will to a more sexually secure union. While there are men who do not mind having a bisexual female as a partner and we see even exotic entertainment clubs offering some lesbian packaged shows at a few spots across Jamaica. The problem is disclosure and then the possible comfort level of the persons involved in the union I think. The letter writer seems repulsed by her discovery.

Here is the letter as appearing in today’s Star and Pastor’s response, see what you make of it.

It’s me or him!

Dear Pastor,

I am living with my boyfriend and I found out that he is having an affair, but not with a woman. He is having an affair with a man. I am finding it difficult to deal with. I am angry and sad.

I don’t know why he is doing this because we have been having a good relationship. He is a good man. I don’t know what to do. I am so disappointed.

Please help me.


Pastor’s response:

Dear E.K.,

Your boyfriend is bisexual.

Has he told you when he became bisexual?

Was he bisexual before both of you became intimate and you were not aware of it, or has he recently become bisexual?

I ask you these questions because they may help you to make your decision whether to continue therelationship or end it. The decision to remain or end this relationship is solely yours.

Can you be comfortable knowing your man is having sex with a man?

What reason can he give you for doing so?

I can only tell you that according to the Bible, homosexuality in any form is condemned.

People don’t like to hear what the Bible says.

But there are those of us who believe the Bible and encourage everyone to adhere to its instructions.



Author: GLBTQ Jamaica Moderator

Activist and concerned gay man in Jamaica with over 19 years experience in advocacy and HIV/AIDS prevention work, LGBT DJ since 1996.

One thought on ““Tell Me Pastor” on bisexuality”

  1. If my boyfriend became bisexual at some point in our relationship then perhaps i wouldnt leave him if i love him enough but we would always have to wear a condom and i would encourage him to wear one with who ever he sleeps with and i would have to know the guy or guys he sleeps with. it may sound nasty to you but homosexuality is no better than promiscuity, in my opinion. and its funny because if he was having affairs with women i would be devastated and leave him if he remains unfaithful.


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