A nineteen year old gay male who for some time has been expressing concerns about his security of a shelter over his head has been given a temporary reprieve of sorts with his mother insisting he can remain at the family home whilst counselling interventions take place but his father who resides elsewhere after a breakup angrily is against it in the strongest opposition, the story has been developing from as early as March of this year but with the young man pursuing courses preparing himself for pre-university studies he feels derailed by the issues that were presenting themselves. A similar near displacement story was carried on sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch some years ago but was resolved with counseling suggested by the mother as well of another young male who was also traumatized as his parents were going through a bitter divorce. The family who were of the Seventh Day Adventist faith also had to grapple with the religious trappings that came with denomination and his father strongly opposing his continued stay in the home, first counsellors from the church were suggested and used but left the young man at the time further confused as the reparative therapy route was continuously suggested and attempted to change him from his “evil ways” the matter was resolved via counselling from a non denominational and non religious affiliated counsellor who painstakingly encouraged dialogue between all parties involved as the divorce issues were prominent in that case helped to reach an amicable settlement at the time.
Cases such as these hardly make the news for another side to the issues of homophobia and displacement or possible disruptions but are usually solved via some private interventions afforded by the families involved or simply self financed alternatives by the would be victims themselves in the middle soci economic classes who can afford such buffers or simply relocating to a friend’s or going independent. The particular problem for this nineteen year old commenced when an incoming phone call which was answered by his mother on his own cellular instrument was suspected by her, the male voice on the other end insisted on speaking to him and when she queried what were the pressing reasons the caller rebuffed her in the strongest of terms, unbeknownst to the 19 year old she monitored his movements and calls ever since and arrived at a conclusion that this relationship was more than a passing friendship, the young man said he often saw her observing him occasionally when he was on his phone or on his laptop around the house so much so he started to restirct his usage of the devices in her presence and only in his bedroom, she however related the matter to his father as he still has an active role in the home that of financial support, the young man’s younger sister resides with the father both cross visit with the parents alternately. The issue simmered until an argument during one of the cross visits led to the pronouncements by his father that he wanted no battyman around him or his sibbling and he went further to suggest that he may have had AIDS in one heated exchange. The relationship between father and son based on the exchange we had on the issue were already strained prior to this as his father was not pleased supposedly due to his son’s academic failures in terms of not successfully achieving the expected passes before departing high school and with this unceremonious outing by his mother in the initial stages has added more heat to the mix. Some time before also the break down of the mother father relationship was a factor leading to the tense atmosphere between the two. Another argument followed during the independence period and as he prepares to enter a new institution coming September. This led him to reach out to persons he felt he could trust and my contact with him.
The young man’s mother called a family meeting to address the situation where the reprieve was suggested as she said she will not leave her son to be thrown out of the original family home and that he should be allowed to continue his studies until he is able to fend for himself, juxtapose all that to the tolerance ads that the young man mentioned that he also brought up as his own defense in trying to find middle ground and with the whole discussion of homosexuality in the public domain his father also is hitting out that gays are trying to force their lifestyle on everyone else and that he never thought his own son who should provide grand children for him to admire will be “f**ckin men” As we know all too well not all family scenarios similar to this end up resolved violence free or with some level of understanding being brought to the table.
Psycho emotional bond
However that psycho emotional bond between mother and son or in other words as they say mothers always know seems to have helped yet another case of near displacement not to get out of hand, mothers usually seem to be the ones who arrive at some amicable settlement in these tense moments regarding sons and vice versa regarding lesbians or same gender loving women. Let me not forget to thank our friend for allowing the story to be shared as we try to shed some more light on issues affecting the community at varying levels.
Some additional reading on the Attachment theory
Attachment Theory and the Importance of the Parent-Child Emotional Bond
There are few subjects in modern psychological theory that provoke as immediate a response as the struggle to understand child-parent relationships. The consensus and pervasiveness of “mother issues” dominates psychological self-help topics and parental anxiety about how we will “shape” our children drives the multi-billion dollar child-development media industry. There have been a plentitude of theories about what children need in order to thrive, feel confident, develop a strong sense of self esteem and form healthy relationships. Yet, while theories about the child-parent bond and its impact on child development have remained plentiful throughout the last century, until the past three decades nothing could be said with scientific authority about almost any dimension of the child-parent relationship and its effects, whether good or bad. A clearer picture has emerged since John Bowlby developed his theory about attachment and Mary Ainsworth began to test its premise. Today, the principles behind attachment theory have spawned an enormous amount of research and provided great insight into the previously much discussed but little understood impact of the child-parent relationship, though it is not without its controversies and detractors.
Let us hope during this reprieve the young man can regain his self-confidence and move on to the vital studies due to commence in September also he was referred to a psychologist who is a member of the community as well for follow-up sessions. I will try to provide permitted updates where needed on this case.
Peace and tolerance