Here we go again this case this time looks more serious as the letter writer explained he was molested as a child, sadly this complaint is coming from many younger men who have sex with men and only some serious intervention by a qualified UNBIASED professional could determine whether the individual’s orientation was gay before despite the awful abuse he suffered prior to adolescence. Have a read of the letter and the response first then see my continued two cents on this and determine your own conclusion:
The letter stated:
I am 17-years-old and I am gay. I was molested when I was much younger and from that time I have been gay. I don’t want to be gay but the thoughts keep coming to me. I tried blocking them out but they keep coming back. I keep on liking boys.
I thought of telling my mother but she is not someone I can talk to. I thought of getting counselling but that would be so uncomfortable. One of my friends who is having the same problem that I am having went to the pastor of the church that I attend for counselling and, soon after, the whole church knew about it, then the community. He had to move out of the community and live elsewhere.
Some Jamaican people think that it is only guys who behave as if they are girls are the only ones who are gay. But you should see the ones who say that they are thugs, you will never know that they are gay. I know of singers, deejays and big men in this country who are gay. And I have even met four pastors who are gay.
Pastor Dumas responds
Dear Gay teenager,
I thank you for writing and for expressing your desire of wanting to change your lifestyle, so to speak. I am sorry to hear that you were sexually abused when you were a child. Such an incident should have been reported and the guilty arrested, charged and sentenced to prison. What that beast did to you has affected you and has had a bad impact on your life.
Evidently, you did not report this matter. Whenever someone has been sexually abused, that person should undergo therapy. You had none. However, you know that what happened to you is still affecting you, and you are crying out for help.
Your friend needs help too. He has tried to talk to his pastor and the pastor has let him down by divulging what was said to him. That pastor ought to be ashamed of himself and should not be allowed to counsel anyone. I want you to know that trained counsellors know that what is discussed in a counselling session should not be divulged to anyone, unless permission is sought by the counsellor and given by the person who was counselled. There are exceptions to the rule but I won’t go into that here. I say shame on that pastor.
I would like to suggest that you should seek the help of a Christian psychologist. There are some reputable counsellors who would be happy to meet with you and do their best to help you. Perhaps you may consider trying Family Life Ministries. Let them know that you are unable to pay for the service. Their numbers are listed.
You say you know some pastors who are gay. Whenever you see them, tell them where they can go to get help and point out to them that the Bible says it is wrong for men to have sex with men and for women to have sex with women. Tell them to read Romans Chapter 1:24-32 and ask God to deliver them from that practice.
Young man, I will be praying for you.
The obviously troubled teen of course determined that he is gay almost giving up on his incessant need for sexual contact with a man by thinking he can be made heterosexual in practice, I agree that he has not dealt properly with the abuse and its effect over time but for the pastor and psychologist to suggest reparative therapy on or after dealing with the abuse problems and low feeling of self worth here is counterproductive I feel in my layman’s look at this. He may also require some long sessions with a unbiased counselor to sort out the sexual orientation determination issue. What is important here also is the introduction of the pastor’s answer where he said “I thank you for writing and for expressing your desire of wanting to change your lifestyle”
Lifestyle is the operative word and not orientation and as we are told by other members of the psychiatric profession who have an unbiased view of same gender love issues that to make someone suppress their sexual orientation can be dangerous, Christian Psychologists have been charged as guilty for encouraging this practice of forcing persons to accept a more leviticusal way of life while hiding their true selves which can have serious repercussions. One can suppress ones feelings but with trouble later, there is no scientific data to back up the basis for reparative therapy, homosexuality is not a disorder according to the DSM Diagnostic Statistical Manual, see this video from The documentary “For The Bible Tells Me So”
go to 7:28 for the precise presentation on another popular so called Christian psychiatrist named Dr. Dobson from the US who has declared that homosexuality can be cured.
I think we have to be careful when we are dealing with young impressionable lives and the other mess about this whole thing is we have no resident frontline social interventions in our LGBT advocacy apart from referrals to God knows who to help these teens who are searching for themselves. Interestingly the letter goes off into a kind of manufactured consent mode grouping as homosexual non effeminate men and pastors as well which although maybe true in real life these repeated references in previous letters makes me doubt now the origin of this letter, I have always had my doubts about the validity of the letters from the Star sometimes as they look and sound alike in succession. The confidentiality matter however is a real issue and many males who are found to be same gender attracted while confiding in a pastor in a confessional of sorts find themselves read out and or embarrased from the rest of the congregants as their “story” is shared.
Let God be the final judge of us I say then but interestingly enough there are no direct biblical references to Jesus or God speaking on the issue of homosexuality but like what the master said to the prostitute I do not condemn you and to the stone throwers let he who is without sin cast the first stone. It would seem to me the master came for the outcasts as he was an outcast in the end via his crucifixion, his very birth was not one of a welcoming presence either of a young baby entering the world it occurred in a manger lest we forget.
Peace and tolerance