Is the Jamaica Herald Naive & Prejudiced? …… Promiscuous gays threaten strides in reducing HIV/AIDS incidence

Article Published: Sunday, December 13th, 2009
By DURRANT PATE
Senior Staff Reporter

Jamaica’s stride in reducing the incidence of HIV/AIDS is being threatened by sexual promiscuity of homsexuals living with the infection. Some such persons are reported to be involved in relationships with unsuspecting heterosexuals.

Health officials have warned about the clear and present danger facing the country, arguing that if the situation is not checked much of the gains made over the years in reducing HIV/AIDS would come to nothing.

The HIV prevalence rate in the gay community is a worrying 32 per cent compared with the national average of 1.8 per cent.

Health authorities are fearful that the higher HIV/AIDS prevalence rate, although mostly concentrated in the gay community, could become more generalized with the growing promiscuity among gays, who are infected with the virus and have strong sexual links with the general population.

The homosexual category, Men who have Sex with Men, medically referred to as MSM, constituted the most vulnerable to HIV/AIDS infection but in spite of this fact, they are the most promiscuous.

On the flip side, commercial sex worker, which is another category of high-risk group, has shown a greater level of responsibility in greater condom use, resulting in a decline in the infection rate to eight percent.

The national Knowledge, Attitudes, Practices and Behaviour survey commissioned last year revealed that high-risk behaviours such as multiple partners, inconsistent condom use and early sexual debut is fuelling the HIV/AIDS infection rate.

Growing promiscuity

While heeding the warning, Jamaica Forum for Lesbians All-Sexuals and Gays (J-FLAG) is seeking to set the records straight regarding the increasing HIV/AIDS infection in the homosexual community and the growing promiscuity among gay men, who are infected.

JFLAG programmes manager, Jason McFarlane, argued that the rate of the epidemic in the MSM community might be attributed to several factors, key to which are homophobia and social discrimination.

He stated that homophobia has negative and destructive consequences on sexual behaviour with many men, who have sex with men being forced to live double lives, hiding both their sexual orientation as well as their HIV status.

McFarlane pointed to social factors, which he added cause many gay men to end up dropping out of school before completing secondary education ending up unemployed and leading to homelessness and exposure to abuse.

All these social factors, he articulated, increase the level of risky behaviour in the gay community.

Societal pressures

The J-FLAG programmes manager said the impact of these factors, coupled with the general stigma in society that treats a gay person as less than human, impacts greatly on how homosexuals conduct themselves and in particular, when negotiating safer sex.

“In fact, in this context the devaluing of individuals by society has led to persons not placing sufficient value on their own lives so that taking risk becomes a ‘norm’ since there is the expectation that there is not much else to live for,” McFarlane told the Sunday Herald.

In a society where sex between men is punishable by law, McFarlane contended, “gay men often are simply happy to be in a sexual relationship and as such issues of condom negotiation rarely are discussed or raised.”

According to McFarlane, “because of the societal pressures, many of the men who feel forced to have female partners, feel protected in the ‘sexual space’ with their male partners, are not empowered to feel strongly about protecting themselves in either context.”

The J-FLAG official posited that this forces persons to assume heterosexual behaviour when they truly have homosexual desires, stressing that the duality that people live in manifests itself in a whole range of risky behaviour.

This is the second of a three-part series looking at HIV/AIDS and the gay community.

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The Art of Erotic Biting

In modern American culture we are familiar with love bites characterized by the neck hickey, a red, discolored spot or bruise resulting from biting or pinching with the mouth. Among young teens the hickey is almost a rite of passage, a badge of honor symbolizing sexual maturity and success at winning a lover. They become a somewhat subtle way of saying “I got laid last night”. Among younger children the hickey is sometimes given without much sexual involvement as something of a love game from their earliest attempts at serious kissing. We have heard of cases of older boys pinching “virginal” girl’s necks (creating a false hickey) to embarrass them before their parents and other youth. Of course kids (especially boys) quickly discover they can fabricate their own false hickeys to win admiration or envy of their peers.

Some gay and bisexual men are aroused by slight bites on the buttocks, the crotch area, the spinchter opening of the anus and the balls (slight nibbling)

Erotic biting has long been a part of serious sexuality. The Kama Sutra devotes an entire chapter to it and like other chapters has a complete taxonomy of forms and styles. “Local customs should be consulted” since the practice varied widely. In some cities the practice was offensive (even dangerous) where in other places it was a honor to one’s lover and even expected. The women of Koshala for example loved violent biting and “dildos are much employed”. The author(s) warned “One should not be led by a state of excitation into performing acts that are considered unfitting”. These practices “if lightly performed, arouse desire and provoke sighs”. Biting and scratching is observed “in all species” and the main goal is excitation prior to copulation. In some women this can produce a true orgasm.

All parts of the body were considered suitable except the upper lip, tongue, and eyes. The forehead, lower lip, neck, cheeks, chest, breasts, sides, crotch, ear, feet, armpits and genitals were favored. Attention to specific erotic zones in the woman was essential. The writer advises that “kiss marks on the ear, as well as scratch marks on the cheeks are considered ornamental”. These ancient lovers of sex also left fingernail marks in conjunction with bites.

The major types of bites are as follows:

Discreet: gentle bite to the lower lip, leaving only short-term redness. Today we might call this a love nip.

Impressed: firm bite to the lower lip or cheeks, leaving lasting redness.

Pointed: a tiny piece of skin is bitten by the teeth and pulled.

Coral Jewel: a spot is squeezed several times between the top teeth and lower lip, leaving a dark rose mark in a jewel shape.

Necklace of Gems: coral jewel (larger) marks left in a line along some part of the body. They were favored along the neck in two lines, down both sides of the torso, or near the sexual organs.

Necklace of Dots: pointed (smaller) marks left in a line or two on the body.

Scattered Cloud: small teeth marks arranged in an irregular pattern (ie. cloud shapes) on the body. Leaving these marks below the breast is mentioned.

Chewing the Wild Boar: Closely spaced bites over a wide area “forming a red center” below the breasts. Due to the swine association this term is best avoided in modern times!

THE FOLLOWING ARE MODERN VARIATIONS NOT FOUND IN THE KAMA SUTRA:

Initialing: bites form the initials of the lover’s name. These variations serve as a type of short duration tattoo and denote a type of “ownership” of the lover’s body.
Symbology: bites form a symbol of a group, gang, or organization. Shape of a heart is also very common in symbol of general love. We have heard of one fraternity who bit females from a sister sorority with a Greek letter.
Circling: bites form a circle around an object such as the naval, nipple, tattoo, piercing, or male glans. The Necklace styles are generally a line rather than a circle and do not ring a specific landmark on the body.
Vampire: two small bites (perhaps Pointed type) on the neck to resemble the two punctures of vampire fangs. This was a Halloween pastime among a group of swinging friends.
The practices of erotic biting varied in their violence according to the type of lover, their tradition, and personality. In some cases the Indian man would bite the woman with a necklace. He/She would return the favor, giving him a necklace “as if she were in anger” or “like a madwoman”. In some cases the hair is grabbed and light bondage is involved. For instance “she bites wherever he had bitten her and rejoices in his efforts to free himself”.

Like scratches these bite marks were considered “a souvenir of sexual relations”. They were also marks of adultery and might serve as legal evidence. Necklaces were considered proof the woman have consented for an extended period of a time with her lover. Recent, visible bite marks also told others that a man or woman had a current lover and might be unavailable. It was also a sort of advertisement of the lover’s erotic skills. If the lover was known others could admire his or her skill in this important erotic artistry or lack thereof. This is why some bites were done on visible places (neck, arms) vs. hidden places (below breasts, pubic area) to be either public or private knowledge. But in our modern beach culture with skimpy outfits few such protections are possible.

H

Tribadism and safer sex

Tribadism (pronounced /ˈtrɪ bæd ɪzm/) or tribbing, also known by the slang term scissoring, is a form of non-penetrative sex in which a woman rubs her vulva against her partner’s body for sexual stimulation. This may involve female-to-female genital contact or a female rubbing her vulva against her partner’s thigh, arm or stomach; it can also refer to a masturbation technique in which a woman rubs her vulva against an inanimate object such as a bolster, in an effort to achieve orgasm.

The term is most often used in the context of lesbian sex, but is not exclusive to lesbians.

History
In the sexuality of the ancient Romans, a tribas was a woman who wanted to be an active partner or “top” in intercourse. The Romans did not classify according to homosexuality and heterosexuality. They instead had words for who was the active partner and who was the “bottom”.

Until the 20th century, the term was used to refer to lesbian sexual practices in general. Therefore, lesbians were occasionally called tribades.

This position is not exclusive to humans. Females of the bonobo species, found in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, also engage in female-female genital sex, usually known as GG rubbing (genito-genital).

Safe sex issues
As with any exchange of bodily fluids during sexual activities, tribadism has the potential to transfer sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) if those are present in one or more of the partners. Participants have the option of safe sex practices.

Tribadism in popular culture
The glam pop band Scissor Sisters derived their name from the scissoring position.
Bands named after tribadism include Scissorfight and the lesbian punk band Tribe
Genital-genital tribadism was depicted three times during the “D-Yikes!” episode of the cartoon South Park, referred to in that episode as “scissoring”.
Australian band Rocksteady pay homage to tribadism with their song “Scissoring”.

SEE: Bonobo Sex and Society
The behavior of a close relative challenges assumptions about male supremacy in human evolution

Remember HIV OK:
It infects CD4 cells and uses them to make new copies of HIV, which go on to infect more cells. The lower a person’s CD4 count, the weaker their immune system will be.

Very low risk but NOT No risk
HIV is transmitted when blood, vaginal fluids (including menstrual blood), breast milk or semen from an HIV+ person enters your bloodstream.

It is true that instances of female-to-female HIV transmissions that have been documented are far less than the other modes of transmission mainly unprotected heterosexual and homosexual penetrative sex. The route possibly being sex toys, used vigorously enough to cause exchange of blood-tinged body fluids.

Lesbians are fortunate enough to be in the lowest risk and it’s very rare for women to transmit HIV to each other sexually.

Each woman must assess the risks for herself and decide how she’s going to conduct her sex life. Many of us consider monogamy to offer all the ‘safety’ we need sexually. Although it can’t protect against HIV if someone already carries the virus.

Sexual identity does not necessarily predict behaviour. Just stay aware and enjoy what and who you do!

Safety first
Safer sex for women who have sex with women is a personal choice. If you are concerned you may want to follow the following tips:

Use protection during oral sex. Dental dams, cut up condoms, or cling film can be used to minimise contact with fluids during oral sex
Don’t share sex toys, or if you chose to, make sure you use a new condom every time it enters a new hole!
Cuts on hands create risk during vaginal masturbation/ fisting so you may want to use latex gloves
Rough sex is safe if there is no blood involved
If you are piercing each other then disinfect the needle and body areas
If shaving the vaginal area, do not share razors.

Frottage (rubbing bodies together) is better and recommended by most experts in HIV as the risks as outlined briefly above can pass HIV and other STIs if the action is rigid and there is contact with blood and other bodily fluids to blood.

Peace and tolerance

H

Situational Homosexuality or Behavioral Bisexuality

Situational, or “emergency” homosexuality is commonly defined as sexual activity with partners of the same sex that occurs not as part of a innate same gender love or orientation but because the participants happen to find themselves in a single-sex environment for a prolonged period.

Some single-sex environments that frequently become venues for situational homosexuality include prisons, military bases, ships at sea, convents and monasteries, athletic teams on tour, and boarding schools and colleges. Situational homosexual behavior is so common in these venues that in some cases nicknames have been created for those who indulge in it; for example “rugger-buggers” on rugby teams, “jailhouse turnouts” in prisons, and “lugs” for “lesbians until (college) graduation.” or in a local context “the shop” “bugga house” or other less common names but known to those who practice this kind of same sex contact.

The idea of situational same-sex sexual activity is not a modern one. An essay by Josiah Flynt, published in 1899, told of situational sex among the male American hobos with whom he traveled. From the armies of Alexander the Great to the trenches of World War I to Desert Storm, male soldiers have taken comfort in each other’s arms; and from harems to convents to boarding schools, women who were forcibly separated from men have been finding each other for centuries.
Situational homosexual experience can range from the frightening, such as prison rape and sexual domination, to the comfortable, such as the lesbian experimentation that occurs within the relative safety of a college campus.

Behavioral Bisexuality


Sometimes called “behavioral bisexuality,” the concept of situational homosexuality is a complex one. At its heart is the notion that the participants in same-sex sexual activity would not have done so were it not for their unusual situation and that they therefore are not really homosexual.
Since gay identity and life style are neither approved nor accepted by most societies, it is difficult to determine accurately the reason behind an individual’s choice of heterosexual identification. While someone might insist that he or she chooses to be straight, it is impossible to know how much social pressure may be affecting that decision. Likewise, bisexuality is often disapproved by both gay and straight society, and bisexuals may be pressured to “choose” one sexual preference or another.
The question, thus, remains whether those who engage in situational homosexuality might be more generally bisexual if bisexuality were a more socially accepted choice.
Moreover, the concept of situational homosexuality raises other questions as to what extent sexual behavior expresses internal needs and desires and to what extent it is a response to external circumstances.
The Relationship of Situational Homosexuality to Homophobia
In many cultures, situational homosexuality is tolerated, while homosexuality as a life style is not.

Some social analysts believe that the concept of situational homosexuality is used to reinforce homophobia and biphobia by allowing those who perform homosexual acts in same-sex environments to continue to define themselves as heterosexual.
Often participants in same-sex activity in single-sex environments are differentiated between “true homosexuals” and those who retain the assumption of heterosexuality. In such cases, it is usually the “true homosexuals” who are stigmatized, while their partners are not. In making such a distinction, homophobia is reinforced even as same-sex sexual activity may be tolerated.
Although situational homosexuality is often both tacitly expected and to some degree tolerated, it is also expected to remain clandestine. When such homosexual activity is made public, even in venues where virtually everyone knows it is happening, punishment is usually swift and severe, though often the brunt of punishment is borne by the participant who is considered the “true homosexual” rather than the presumably heterosexual partner who ostensibly participates in same-sex activity only because of his or her situation.

Sexual Dysfunction & the Gay Man

by the love coach

Sex is all the craze nowadays! Everybody wants to be having it and they want it to be out of this world with eyes rolling into the back of their heads and throats sore from all the unbridled shrieking of ecstasy. While sexual bliss seems to be glamorized in our society, what if you and your partner are experiencing troubles in the bedroom behind closed doors? This can be quite traumatizing and a blow to one’s self-esteem and sense of masculinity, particularly since we men are socialized to be adept and skilled at sexual prowess and conquest.

These stereotypes of men “always being ready” and “virile with lots of stamina” put a lot of pressure on men to sexually perform like gods and threatens their identity as a man should problems arise in that part of their lives; they can feel like a failure or that they don’t “measure up” because so much emphasis is put on perfectionism in this area.If you are going through a rough patch in your intimate life, you are not alone! Sexual dysfunctions are very common, but the good news is that they are usually very treatable! This article will offer gay men a glimpse at some of the more common sexual problems that exist and will provide some tips for coping and potential resolution.

The Clinical Syndromes
In both my therapy and coaching practices, sexual issues make up a large percentage of the relationship problems that clients bring to the table, whether it’s the primary emphasis or a side-symptom of something else that’s going on between the couple. At some point in their lives, most men will experience some kind of sexual-based problem and this is perfectly normal and to be expected. It is when these issues become frequent and the predominant norm in your sex life that you will really want to take notice and take some steps toward addressing it.

In her book (*)“The Art of Sex Coaching”, Dr. Patti Britton, PhD (“The Sex Coach”) outlines nine common sexual concerns that men can experience. I agree with her naming these issues as “concerns”; the medical field has long used such words as “dysfunction” and “problems” to label peoples’ sexual impasses and this only serves to pathologize them. What’s important to understand is that these sexual “bumps-in-the-road” are very common. Buying into the concept that there’s something wrong with you because this is happening to you will only perpetuate your struggles and keep you trapped in a vicious cycle of shame and belief in yourself as being deficient. Couldn’t be further from the truth! These issues can be overcome! The popular concerns cited include:

1. Low or no sexual desire (low sex drive, infrequent sexual urges)

2. Early ejaculation (coming sooner than wanted)

3. Erectile dysfunction (impotence, unable to produce or maintain an erection)

4. Delayed ejaculation (inability to ejaculate)

5. Sexual inhibitions (unable to be free and “let loose” during sex due to past trauma or having internalized negative messages/values about sex being “bad”)

6. Body dysphoria (worries about sexual performance, penis size, masculinity, or adequacy; vanity, body image issues)

7. Social/dating skill deficits (lack of experience, awkwardness, lack of confidence, poor communication)

8. Desire for enhanced pleasure (wanting to become a more skillful lover)

9. Sexual trauma (difficulties with intimacy due to past history of rape or childhood sexual abuse)

CONTINUE

Stigmatization on Effeminacy in Gay Jamaican Culture (REPOST)

Many gay men epsecially those on the downlow, bisexuals and progressors seem to have a problem with effeminate men as it “shows’ them up, if and when they appear in public together,
however there are some masculine men who like their cream with a little “sugar” on top.

Most Jamaican GB men including those who publicly “bun out chi chi” (pretend to be homophobic) will tell you behind closed doors that an effeminate man can be who they are (“real”) in a private setting but when in public they must be masculine acting.
This unwritten rule applies to most African descented gay cultures especially African American where gay, bisexual and progressive men feel that somehow their manhood would be threatened or depleted when seen with a “queen”, in Jamaica their person may be threatened by others and they may loose respect from the thugs or other males.

To be even identified as “Gay” is a problem as many attach the stereo typical “queen acting” male who has on tight fitting designer outfits, outrages drag and wigs and carrying a designer handbag image, hence shy away or refute the description/word being applied to them.

We just seem to be hooked on this idea of a hyper macsuline homo thug image somehow.

Jamaica is a unique place as far gay culture is concerned, if we are to really examine the underground scene right here on the rock it would be amazing as Bob Marley says “if night turns to day” then we would really see the other side of things. While we have rampant homophobia, we also have rampant homosexuality and bisexuality too, of course this is based on my experiences. Lots are men especially from the inner city will get down for the right price, if there is a reward to be had and if you really look good too. I think though we have more bisexuals than any other Caribbean territory as the common thread in justifying gay sex is that they are just stealing it on the side.
While the stigmatization of “queens” publicly occurs by masculine bisexuals gays, for sexual purposes some of these same masculine men don’t have a problem having an effeminate man as a substitute for his absent or predisposed girlfriend for a night yet this is the same man who when attending a dance party, stage show or club event and the DJ plays an anti gay tune and asked for audience support, will have his hand/rag or cigarette lighter (as is customary) in the air in solidarity.
Interesting how we can switch personalities and attitudes with the greatest of ease to match the environment we are in.

Personally, I have had my run-ins with this “thug type” or heaviots as we call them here derived from the word “heavy” to mean deeply masculine or a gangsta, they are very protective of their identity and image and would do anything including vilify and bash another gay man so as not to be identified.
I have seen it oh too many times,they pass you on the street and if you should say hi that could lead to problems, worse if you are effeminate looking or acting.

The stigmatization is also used by the homophobic mainstream to justify attacks on alleged gay persons and the regular outcry after an attack would be “Is because he act funny/like a girl, serves him/them right, is him/them cause it on themselves.”

I can appreciate the “buy in” by gay and bisexual men using as a form of protection when you play the masculine part in order not to be identified, verbally or physically abused in public.

Don’t be fooled by the dancehall industry’s seemingly homophobic stance, well at least I am not, I think they do it for two main reasons
1). to make money off the homophobic sentiments the public carries in the majority – one of the easiest ways for a struggling artist to make a come-back or a current artist to stay current is to voice an anti gay track
2). To cover their tracks left from behind the scenes liaisons and affairs – it is alleged and known that many in the fraternity engage in homosexual activities but try to put a str8 face to it.

Judge Dread

Peace

Never judge a man by his feet

The Western Mirror……………..http://www.westernmirror.com/
by Dr. C. Watson MRCOG FACOG MBA DFFP

One day a lady went into a bar. As she sat down she saw this cowboy sitting across from her with his feet up. She was astonished at the size of his shoes, so she said to him, “Is it true what they say about men with big feet?” He replied, “don’t you want to find out?” She said yes and after getting to know each other better she invited him to spend the night with her at the hotel she was staying in.The next morning the cowboy woke to see the lady dressing. On the bedside table was an hundred dollars. Grinning he looked at her and said, “Now do you believe what they say about men with big feet?”She replied, “I don’t know, but please take that money and buy a pair of shoes that fit.”
There is a current debate about men and their “size”. We think it is time that Health Reflections shed some “light” to this debate. It has long been held by women and men of different cultures that a man’s shoe size has a direct relationship to his penile size. Because of this men with small feet sometimes find themselves the victims of jokes questioning their penile size while men with large feet are proudly presented as representing the well-endowed male. Maybe thankfully the real facts seldom come to light. What does happen is that this bit of folklore has become more firmly established as a fact in many people’s minds. It is true to say that many persons do not actually know what the average penile length is. Most men at some time in their life will question their adequacy. Because of this they may consider purchasing products that are advertised to increase penile size.
In fact there is no shortage of websites and magazine ads promoting these products. Sadly most approaches advertised do not work and use of these items can lead to even more frustration and some of the pills advertised can actually be quite dangerous. One study in California has shown that the average length of the erect penis is 5.1 inches and its girth is 4.7 inches. Another study also done in the United States revealed that only about 0.1% of men have an erect penile length of greater than 9 inches.Suffice it to say, the true measure of a man may be complex. It now seems however that researchers have finally gotten around to clarifying the relationship between penile length and shoe size. These researchers say they’ve come up with at least one way to make it easier to judge a man’s penile length. Forget what you might have heard about judging a man’s member by the size of his shoes and consider taking note of his index finger if you’re looking to hedge your bets.
Two British urologists measured the stretched penile length of 104 men and attempted to relate it to their shoe size. Despite the widespread myth, however, they found there was no significant correlation between the men’s shoe size and penile length. But just as one myth about men’s manhood is put to rest, another one may now take its place. A group of Greek researchers has found a link between penis length and another part of the body — the index finger. Some women I was having a conversation with first brought this fact to my attention. They did not know about this research but one of them was convinced that her experience was that she could better judge a man’s penile length by the length of his fingers.Researchers measured various aspects of the genitalia of 52 healthy men under 40 and matched those measurements to other characteristics of the men, including their age, height, weight, body mass index, waist/hip ratio, and index finger length. The only measurements that were significantly related to each other were penile length and index finger length.
The longer the index finger was, the longer the penis was likely to be and vice versa. And for men who might be wondering how they measure up, the studies also calculated the average penile length among the participants. Both studies found the average stretched penile length was about 5 inches, give or take about an inch. So men next time you see your lady friends intently examining your hands, don’t be deceived into thinking they are merely examining those strong beautiful hands. They may just be trying to get a measure of the man you are.
If you know what I mean…

Dr. C. Watson MRCOG FACOG MBA DFFP is Medical Director and Director of Obstetrics & Gynaecology at MoBay Hope Medical Centre, which is located at the Half Moon Shopping Village, Rose Hall, Montego Bay. Dr. Watson also consults at the Montego Bay Hospital, Mt. Salem.

What is a rectal microbicide

What is a rectal microbicide?….click title for more
Currently in development, a microbicide is a cream or gel, or maybe a douche or an enema, that could be used to reduce a person’s risk of HIV infection vaginally or rectally. Rectal microbicides could offer both primary protection in the absence of condoms and back-up protection if a condom breaks or slips off during anal intercourse.
For those unable or unwilling to use condoms, rectal microbicides could be a safe and effective alternative means of reducing risk, especially if they were unobtrusive and/or enhanced sexual pleasure enough to motivate consistent use. Such alternatives are essential if we are to address the full spectrum of prevalent sexual practices and the basic human need for accessible, user-controlled HIV and STD prevention tools.
You will find a plethora of information on the research and development of rectal microbicdes on this site. You will also learn of advocacy actvities underway to help move the science forward and make these important prevention tools a reality for the women and men around the world who need them. Please take advantage of the presentations and other materials you find here!

Sex, lies and videotapes….Interesting Piece

Sex, lies and videotapes
Lloyd B Smith
Tuesday, June 24, 2008

“I did not have sexual intercourse with that woman.” – Former United States President Bill Clinton during the heat of the Monica Lewinsky affair. The rest is history! Or his story?
The proposal that government should legalise prostitution then tax the proceeds of commercial sex workers has sparked much debate and controversy. Most stimulating if not titillating…………………..
Interesting observation Mr. Smith

How To Use a Dildo for Strap-on Sex for Lesbians

How To Use a Dildo for Strap-on Sex
From Kathy Belge,
Your Guide to Lesbian Life.

Lesbians who like penetration may want to try a dildo for strap-on sex. Here are some tips for great sex with a dildo or strap-on.

Difficulty: Average
Time Required: An evening
Here’s How:Find the right dildo.

Here are some tips for buying the right dildo for your needs.

Get used to your new toy. Put on your harness and dildo and get used to how it feels before jumping right into bed with your partner. Have her help you into the harness. The tighter it is, the more control you will have and the more sensation you will feel.Don’t forget foreplay. Kiss her. Touch her. Get her excited and turned on before you penetrate.Put a condom on your dildo and use plenty of lube, even if she seems lubricated.
Slippery and wet is much more enjoyable.Go slow and easy the first time. Angle your dildo upwards, not back toward her spine. Let your partner guide you in how fast, slow, deep, rough or easy you go.Try different positions. Old fashioned missionary position allows for face to face intimacy. Doggy-style allows you to penetrate further inside her.Use your hands.
Remember the foreplay? Keep at it, caressing her where she likes it most.Mix it up. Experiment with oral sex. Watching their lover go down on a dildo is a big turn on for many dykes. If you want to experiment with anal penetration, take it slow and easy and use lots of lube. Remember to change condoms any time you change orifices.
Communication is key. As with any sex, talking about what you like, don’t like, what you want, what feels good is very important. Listen and pay attention to her body language. Ask her if it feels good. Does she want it deeper, faster, slower?Remember if you share any sex toy, to change the condom!